i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
