i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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