I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
