that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
