Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
