Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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