There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
