people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
