u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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