i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
