Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
