Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
