oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
