I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
