Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Ketchup is God's man juice
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Randomize
