Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
