Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
