Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
