nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
