I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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