He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
