she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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