the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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