I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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