Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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