dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
