I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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