I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
