my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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