i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
