I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
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