please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
