Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
