I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
