i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize