Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
