she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
