Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
