I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He has the fingertips of a God
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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