ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
