I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
