On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
