Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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