I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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