when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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