a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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