Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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