i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
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