I will die if light touches me.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
