I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
