Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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