i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Barsexuality is the new black.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's official drugs can't kill me
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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