Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
