Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
