Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
