ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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