You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
