I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
