question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
