Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
