Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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