I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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