Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
