1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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