So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
