I feel great
I just peed on a car
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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