dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
