i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize