I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
