I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
