Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
lol hangovers are for mortals.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
