Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
